Keeping it Real Friday

Did you miss me last Friday?

I was keeping it real, just not on the blog.

Here is a real picture taken last week, moments before I was late for work. Consider this last week's installment of KIRF.

For this week's keeping it real, I want to talk about the recent comment made towards Ann Romney by Hilary Rosen.


Don't worry, this has nothing to do with politics.


But I do have comments on her comment suggesting that being a full-time mom is not work at all. Although she apologized for her poorly chosen words, it was far too late to prevent lighting a fire in the ongoing faux battle between stay-at-home moms vs. working moms on this here Internet.

For what it's worth, here are my two cents:




I have been both. One was a decision made by choice, the other was a decision made out of necessity.




When I was pregnant, Trey and I weighed both options heavily before we decided that we would be able to make the necessary financial sacrifices in order for me to stay home with Jones from the beginning. He knew how important it was to me and, still to this day, I can't thank him enough for believing with me in that importance.

But let me state this first keeping it real fact: it was, indeed, a financial sacrifice. I don't care how much money you make or how much your spouse makes, eliminating one salary plus adding another (small and expensive) human into the equation requires some changes, be it big or small. We cut out unnecessary expenses and learned to live on less. Does this mean we went without? No. We were comfortable, happy and blessed. But it does mean that we didn't always have the latest and greatest thing and I became comfortable wearing last years trends. And I have since learned how to clip coupons.




But let's put finances aside, because let's be honest: that's not what her statement implied. I seriously doubt the Romney family sacrificed much in terms of finances. Sure, they would have been making even more money if she chose to work outside the home, but come on: he is a presidential candidate. Regardless of which side of the political fence you sit, if you are running, you have money. Lots of it.

I digress...

Being a full-time mom is hard. Very, very hard.

Leaving your child with someone else to work 8 hours outside of the home all while still being a mother is hard. Very, very hard.

In the beginning, when I was nursing all day, I thought I would surely die before I got the chance to shower again. I was scared to leave him alone for fear that, of course, he would not be able to go on living without me right beside him. So naturally I found myself more times than I would like to admit on the toilet while nursing an infant.

Keeping it real, people.

You are tired. There are no sick days. No vacation days. And there were days that I was jealous of Trey's lone car ride to work. He could sit in silence! No crying baby! No swollen breast from needing to nurse! And he gets to stop at a red light for more than two seconds without having a sleeping baby wake up screaming due to sudden lack of movement? The sheer luxury!

Then I would feel guilty for even thinking those things.

Which brings me to the next point: Guilt.

Mommy guilt is the real deal. I can't speak for other moms, but for this one: it is legit.

Being a full-time mom, I sometimes had guilt that I was not working. Working full-time now and I have guilt that I am not home. Guilt for thinking you need to work. Guilt for working. Guilt for wanting things. Guilt for not bringing in money. Guilt for letting your infant cry in the crib while you are face down crying from pure exhaustion. Guilt for not spending time with your husband. Guilt for not making time for your friends. Guilt for not sewing. Guilt for not cooking. Guilt for having to leave your child while you travel for work. Guilt for missing his party at school because of a work meeting. Guilt for sending your somewhat sick child to school because you have no leave time.

GUILT. GUILT. GUILT.

It is nasty.

I have been a full-time mommy and I have been a mom who works outside of the home full-time trying to also be a full-time mom. How can I ever say that I am not a full-time mom? No, I don't stay home with him anymore, but he is still my first and most important job and he is never far from my mind.

They are both hard. They both have their gives and takes. They both have their good days and they both have their days where I want to go to bed and never do this again. They both require a great deal of balance.

And this is coming from a mom with only one child.

Yet, I love it. I love being a mom. And, even though I still vaguely remember those sleepless nights the first few days (months...), I want to one day do it all over again. And I know, that if blessed with another, I may have to leave my next child earlier this time.

Someone who has never left their job and salary by choice to stay home with their child shouldn't be allowed to judge or even pretend to know what it is like to do so. It is hard work.

And someone who has had the privilege to stay home and never had to leave their child in the care of another shouldn't be allowed to judge or even pretend to know what that is like. It is hard work.

Both are wonderful at times. Both suck at times.

And I have never had to leave an infant with a caregiver, Jones was 18 months before I went back to work. So I must never pretend I know how hard that must be.

So let's please don't judge. Or make assumptions. Or feel guilty that we are not doing something right.

I don't know what the next mom's life is like and, although I keep it pretty real, you don't know everything about mine.

But I would like to think that all of us moms are just trying to do our best with what has been given to us. Make the best of what's around, you know?

And, finally, Happy Friday.



Hip Hip for the weekend!!