I can't decide if my sweet, precious, innocent child is destined to be strong-willed, going through a terrible 2 stage, or just slowly trying to kill me. Maybe a combination of all 3?
Bless his heart. He is so stinkin' cute I can't stand it.
BUT he knows what he wants when he wants how he wants where he wants and he won't back down until that happens.
Wears me out.
He wakes up sweet enough. Talks about his animals. Gives me morning breath kisses and hugs. Demands his milk.
Sometimes he is satisfied with the outfit I picked out, the berries for breakfast, the cup his milk his in.
Then there are the other times. Like this morning.
It was just me and Jones this morning getting ready for work and school. Trey was fishing. (what the what?! At 6:30? Count me out.)
Little man didn't want his hair brushed. Or his teeth brushed. He didn't want to take off his giraffe PJs - "No. My 'raff. My 'raff." He didn't want to get in the car. He didn't want to leave his loved plastic animals at home. He just didn't want to.
I can relate. There are mornings I just want to be in my PJs with my toys at home too. But this adds stress to an already stressful morning routine.
He has started to hit me. The kid is strong and has a good arm, so aside from being totally disrespectful, it hurts.
I don't know what to do about this. I spanked him for hitting which he responded "mama hit me". Of course this made me feel extreme guilt and I cried.
I can't 'hit' for hitting.
Time out doesn't phase him. Taking away toys doesn't phase him.
I don't know what to do. I was so tired, frustrated and defeated when I got to work this morning - and it wasn't even 8 am.
I know it's hard on him. He goes to school all day everyday. He is two. I know that is not natural. He is tired, I understand.
But it is our reality right now and I have to stop beating myself up over it. I just hate spending what little time I do get to spend with him during the week correcting him.
By nature, he is a very sweet boy. He loves big. He plays big. But he also throws tantrums big. I like passion in a person, so this will hopefully serve him well in the future.
However, right now at almost 26 months, this passion can turn on me in an instant.
Any words of advice from veteran mothers out there? I know I am not the first mother of a wild, strong-willed, precious 2 year old boy.
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8 comments:
:( I am so sorry that I can relate all to well! It's hard. Parenting is hard. Add a strong willed one to the mix just makes it seem unbearable at times. But do hang in there! The Lord is faithful not to leave us and to give us all we need. He has chosen you to be Jones mother, and no one else could do that BUT you! Be encouraged! I will also remind you of Proverbs 13:24 which is hard. Seems pointless at times, but keep up the good fight! If we are faithful to His word and commands, He will be faithful to us!
I just know you are such a great mommy!
Heather, I'm currently reading 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents because I'm totally afraid of moving into the discipline stage with Caroline. It has some great ideas for both stop and start behaviors. I checked it out from the MSU library... I actually still have it... (they borrowed it from Columbus). I'll let you know when I'm about to return it so that you can put a hold on it. Sudduth uses some of the ideas so Laura may have the book as well.
Also, my aunt has offered to let me read several books she has. I know that some of them are specific to the "strong-willed" child. I'm sure she would let you borrow any as well.
I also have some info on behavior plans for kids from some of my classes at MSU.
Hey Heather! I do think the opinionated stage is them learning to express themselves - which is good. I am only a few months ahead of you with Andrew but somethings that have helped are - Giving two options for cups - do you want Elmo or mickey cup? Do you want fruit or yogurt? Then he chooses. Diapers pick which diaper you want (even though they are the same diaper). For getting dressed in the morning, I use TV. He gets to watch fireman sam while I dress him. Before he knows it he is dressed and the show is over. Then we brush teeth and hair and are out the door. Not sure if you have the sprout channel but all of those shows are like 11-17 minutes long - so while it is still on and he is dressed you could be getting your shoes or jewelry on or whatever last minute thing that needs to get done. With toys he can take them in the car but they stay in the car. And we do the same thing every day - sometimes even on weekends. So Andrew knows the drill - this way there are no surprises and he still feels in control.
We do time out. From what I understand time out is to get them to stop the action at hand. So if he is hitting - you put in him time out and stand away from him. Don't talk to him. He can talk, scream, cry, even move around (in the time out area) for 2 minutes. I turn the tv off and we don't talk. Then when 2 minutes is over we go back to normal and the action he was doing is usually on the back burner of his brain and all is well. Of course there are I loves you and I am sorries. I have started having him tell me why he went to time out so I know he understands the reason for being "punished". But you not talking to him for 2 minutes will be the worst for him.
Ok - sorry for the book. Hope this helps.
Heather,
He’s not strong-willed….he’s two. This is what they do?!? You just keep up the good fight. You’ll think you are preaching on deaf ears but you are not! Keep at it! Every now and then you’ll see the fruits of your labor and when you do – VICTORY! Have a party! Because they will probably be few and far between in some time periods. Choose your battles (if you can) like offer two acceptable choices and then he gets to choose which of those he wants (this most always works in the morning for us in picking out clothes). But even then that won’t always work. (a.k.a. our morning today in wanting oatmeal but I didn’t have time to make oatmeal and I already had toast and a banana ready). So she got to fuss until she decided maybe she did want to eat breakfast and that yes, peanut butter toast and a banana are probably two of her most favorite foods). This is just how they are. I think we have to try our best to be as consistent and level headed as we can, and then somehow recharge when they sleep?!? Ha. Confessions from a scary mommy I read “Parenting by the book”, as in parenting by THE book (the bible) and it will reinforce all the things your parents did and make you feel better so that you realize, yes, in fact I am doing the right thing right now. It’s a little extreme at times like all those mommy books but I just took it along with a grain of salt. I find that sometimes its just a fact of life to get the drama out….they learn that you mean business and they’ll get it. But there will still be tantrums….they are precious and they are two.
Just wait until he turns three. Mwwwhaaaaahaaahaaa
Parenting toddlers is so hard!!! Trust me gray gave me a run for it. And while it's still hard 3s are different bc he understands more and little by little there is fruit. You do have to find what works. Taking away, time out, etc. for us it's "a switch" reccomended by my wise MIL of 4 boys. Just a flexible twig off a tree. He will actually ask for a spank instead of a switch. It stings but can't hurt them. And sometimes just the sight of it straightens him up. And see if a church has a smll group called growing kids gods way.Then you can share stories and tips. Hang in there, it does get better. Coming from a mom of another strong willed tornado of a boy. And you are right those challenges will be his best qualities one day. We just have to learn how to mold them to be used constructively.
Consistency is the key.
I have always told my boys that life has consequences for everything you do--good consequences for the good things and bad consequences for the bad things. I reward them for good choices and punish for bad ones. From a very young age, I use to word "choice" with them so they understand that they are the ones in charge of their actions and their choices decide the consequence. I spank as infants. With William (now 6), I do less of that and more taking items he cares about or making him write sentences or making him write me a letter explaining his poor choice and what he will do next time. Obviously, Wade (and Jones) aren't at that stage. I spank Wade and make him sit in timeout.
Don't feel guilty about providing punishments for him--it's your job to raise him to become a responsible adult. It's much easier to discipline them at this age--by the time they are 6, 7, 8 years old the damage has been done and it is much harder to teach them wise choices at that point--if you haven't been doing it all along.
Hang in there. You have to find what works for you and for Jones. Listen to other moms, read some books, and the decide what will work best for your family. Lisette had a wonderful book that she read, but I don't remember the name of it ???
Haha! I think nan and I have the same idea. We'd be great friends. Kate is the most strong willed little thing ive ever seen. And she can argue better than her lawyer daddy. Anyway, we've had a horrible day, so I'm drinking wine and reading about other peoples crazy kids. Love you and wish we still lived together!
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